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Post by mikeklotz on Mar 20, 2010 18:45:21 GMT -5
A few years ago my daughter met a guy who convinced her to divorce her husband (a nice guy btw). He has lived with her for 2 years and has no job. She bought him a boat and a truck to tow it. I recently found out that he recieved a settlement from an injury (over 20K) and he spent it all on cocaine. A few days ago my daughter told me she is quitting her job (lots of seniority), selling her house and leaving her friends & family to move near his family (2 brothers deal coke). She is unaware that I know any of this. I have spent sleepless nights fighting to not hate this guy. I will not allow myself to hate him...for me this is hard. Today she came over with him as they waited for the realtor to conduct a showing of her house. I shook his hand and gave him the proper recipe for cooking brisket (texas-style) as he had asked me previously about it. He had a beer in his hand when he arrived and I offered him another when that was gone. I looked deep into his eyes as we spoke and I thought of his good points (he has them as we all do) and even imagined myself driving cross country to see him. My daughter smiled and laughed during her short stay (yes John, I hugged her and told her I loved her). I made a point of hearing them both laugh. She has just gotten her motorcycle permit and I invited to take her riding with me to get some experience before she attends her motorcycle class...she eagerly agreed. She left. I felt better about this meeting than I would have if I had gone with my first impluse. She will be gone shortly and I want every second that I spend with her and him to be enjoyable for all of us. Here are two things sleeper said that stood out to me: A positive attitude lightens the load and the hardship. Take the lumps and move on, dwelling on the lumps makes them worse. The other was asking yourself if others enjoy being around you.
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Post by tommyknockers on Mar 20, 2010 19:32:01 GMT -5
Hey Mike. Hats off to you bud. There is no way I would pass that test. I would have gone to the cops first and tried to get his ass tossed in the can. And if that didn't work a beat down in a dark alley would have been next. With the result of me getting tossed in the can and the daughter hating me. Now about that Brisket....mine sucks
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Post by Izarith on Mar 21, 2010 5:46:04 GMT -5
Hello Mike, Sad to hear that and I'm glad your not going down the hate road, it leads to nowhere. But it does sound like your doughter need to know that you know whats going on and the advise I'm sure you have and that your there for her if she goes and chooses to come back. But then again I don't have kids so I should not be talking. Izzy.
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Post by jmiskimen on Jul 8, 2010 18:10:11 GMT -5
What is integrity? Stating that it just 'is' is not an answer, nor is falling back on Webster's dictionary. If it's honesty, then let's just call it honesty. If it's ethical behavior, who defines the ethics? Plato? Buddha? Moses? What is integrity to ET? You know, those high ups that are not answerable to us, those guys who tweak our subconscious in the middle of the night, often stopping by uninvited and drinking all our yoo hoo ... Personally, I've always defined integrity as that quality of a man that "says what he means, means what he says." If you say you're gonna do something, you do it. Maybe I'm off base here, as there may be cultural differences in the definition of this quality that has escaped us, which is why I have entered this into discussion. Integrity?Of course, Lou already understands the quality, and perhaps could toss in his two lire. JM.
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Post by Lou on Jul 9, 2010 7:15:06 GMT -5
What is integrity? Stating that it just 'is' is not an answer, nor is falling back on Webster's dictionary. If it's honesty, then let's just call it honesty. If it's ethical behavior, who defines the ethics? Plato? Buddha? Moses? What is integrity to ET? You know, those high ups that are not answerable to us, those guys who tweak our subconscious in the middle of the night, often stopping by uninvited and drinking all our yoo hoo ... Personally, I've always defined integrity as that quality of a man that "says what he means, means what he says." If you say you're gonna do something, you do it. Maybe I'm off base here, as there may be cultural differences in the definition of this quality that has escaped us, which is why I have entered this into discussion. Integrity?Of course, Lou already understands the quality, and perhaps could toss in his two lire. JM. Integrity is doing the right thing without expectations for returns on emotional investments. I will scratch your back if you scratch my back and fulfill the promise is not integrity, its an exchange of services, you get something for your efforts. This is the normal and acceptable way of things in 3d land. The gods don't expect much more of us. There are many forms of integrity, all of them subtle and without fanfare. The closer we get to integrity the fewer ego trips we have to deal with. ;D
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Post by East for Short on Jul 11, 2010 19:09:20 GMT -5
To me Integrity is doing the right thing with the understanding of why you are doing it. You cannot do it for the sake that it is a good deed. You can't obtain the knowledge of what you must do in life and just insincerely put it into action. For example, I am only 24 but throughout my life I've had my share of embarrassing screw ups and those that like to be obnoxious, make you feel stupid (who may not know you enough, so they are not kidding around) and announce to your whole surroundings the mistake you just made. This could be a bully at school, or a jerk at a party (embarrassing you in front of that cute girl you like, wink wink). Since I've felt my fair share of these things, throughout my life I immediately try to make anybody feel more at ease/at home when they feel foolish, I confide in them because I know how I've felt in those situations when you get the jerk that announces to the room "ahahaha can you believe he said this..?" or "look at this idiot, he fell flat on his face" or how it feels when you're the "new guy at work" and find something hard to do because you're not sure of things or are flustered, nervous and screw up. Whether I'm lying or not, I always try to relate to the person and then guide them through whatever it is I know will help them or at least confide in them. These are things that I genuinely do automatically simply because I know from my personal experiences...how certain "cringe" moments feel and leaving someone without a life raft is simply not an option.
Research in a sense is important, I don't mean necessarily research in the full sense of the world but simply try to understand why people may be/act a certain way in a given situation, understand that if you were in their shoes you may be the same way, and through that understanding you eliminate hate. Through this way of engineering, you will only act out of true integrity..once you fully agree in a true manner with why you are doing what you are doing, then come out of your shell, grow, and incorporate it into your beliefs and way of operating. If you're going to do things insincerely...you're probably better off staying as a "bad apple" in the mean time. Kissing butt isn't the motivation, but learning other people's aspects is a piece at least.
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Imus
New Member
Posts: 36
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Post by Imus on Dec 15, 2010 11:58:12 GMT -5
Integrity is all about self discipline and not responding to the fear of losing out. Not responding to the need to gain some ego-credits. Not responding to the fear of being small, unloved or unsafe.
It is about letting go of controlling people and situations for strictly your own benefit.
To me the act of expressing integrity often feels a bit painfull, like not giving in to an addiction. I need all the bravery I can muster to act on integrity and I often fail misarably. But luckiliy I got a million chances to practice the art of integrity and to not be afraid of the illusion of my own demise.
I hope you all will be more succesfull than I am in this practice!
Imus
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Post by tourmaline on Dec 17, 2010 21:37:50 GMT -5
Okay John here I go! (50+ words My Aunt crossed over to the other side last month. She was the type to speak her mind. I on the other hand have my moments when I can speak my mind or I take it all in and explode at some point (not lately though) So, I told my student (I tutor English in Barcelona) that I wanted to take on the quality of my Aunt and speak my mind. Later that evening while walking to my metro line I came upon two people. One person moved to the right to allow me to pass, the person on the right moved to the left and blocked me, I did not speak my mind, but I was aware of the event unfolding like watching a movie. My thoughts and comments (in my head mostly) lacked integrity. This has happened three times with the same result. I'm sure it will happen again but this time I want to catch myself and think "love and gratitude to you" instead of "what the f k is your problem?" and see what happens. Tourmaline
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Post by tourmaline on Jan 3, 2011 17:18:07 GMT -5
I'm sure it will happen again but this time I want to catch myself and think "love and gratitude to you" instead of "what the f k is your problem?" and see what happens. Tourmaline Dude, this is so f :-Xking hard!!!
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Post by rover528 on Jan 3, 2011 23:34:58 GMT -5
watch the movie pass it forward. Tha's integrity. If you do something for someone and don't tell anyone then forget that you did it. that's integrity. If you tell someone or brag about it you already got your reward.
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Post by rover528 on Jan 3, 2011 23:39:42 GMT -5
Protect your family at al costs. No good will come from leaches that will throw your dayghters hard work out the window and leave her in the throws of some narcotic addiction or death or jail. Let her know what you know and tell her you love her.
Thanks Dean
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hoss58
Full Member
Feet on the ground, Head in the stars
Posts: 137
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Post by hoss58 on Apr 8, 2011 9:35:06 GMT -5
Okay I will give this a try.Until I found John and subsequently Lou,I really had no concept of integrity ,oh sure I had heard the word but I dont think I ever used the word in conversation or pondered its meaning.
The example that comes to mind is this: the ability to perform an act of a non- selfish nature automaticly, without regard for reward or acknowledgement, like pulling someone back from the curb when a car swerves to close and not looking around to see if anybody was watching,then going about the rest of your day as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.Say what you mean....Mean what you say.
(anywhere close John?, word count to high I know.) ;D
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Post by johnlear on Apr 8, 2011 10:44:13 GMT -5
Okay I will give this a try.Until I found John and subsequently Lou,I really had no concept of integrity ,oh sure I had heard the word but I dont think I ever used the word in conversation or pondered its meaning. The example that comes to mind is this: the ability to perform an act of a non- selfish nature automaticly, without regard for reward or acknowledgement, like pulling someone back from the curb when a car swerves to close and not looking around to see if anybody was watching,then going about the rest of your day as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.Say what you mean....Mean what you say. (anywhere close John?, word count to high I know.) ;D I am not sure. I will email you when I get to the other side and find out what my score was.
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baddeddie
Full Member
"Eye See" said the blind squirrel
Posts: 113
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Post by baddeddie on Apr 8, 2011 21:48:25 GMT -5
This "curse of the sleeper" thing.....Last week I spotted someone giving away for free a Bowflex exercise machine so I put my dibs in for it and for a change I actually got the dang thing (I'm one of those exercise freaks). I had several thoughts on what I could do: 1) bring that puppy straight home and use it for myself 2) hey, wait a minute, I could sell it to my neighbor Dan for $150 bucks since I know he wants 1 (he needs it way more than I do and I can continue to do my bodyweight exercises and lift weights ((yea, I really do like doing those pushups))) 3) I could give it to my neighbor Dan 4) I could donate it to my volunteer fire company exercise room where many folk will use it. I know what I did and will reveal that in a later post but I'd like to hear from others as to what they'd do and why (especially the dude who started this thread and the senior members who've been posting on it such as tommyknockers, noface & Izarith (who I recognize from doing my sleeper thread homework) btw, ice cream is really good shit!!!!!!!
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Post by Dervish on Apr 16, 2011 17:16:10 GMT -5
first post!thanks JL for the link! Integrity is not just self sacrifice.Its not just doing good deeds.Its not just helping the downtrodden.Its not just doing what you say.Its not just doing your duty. Its all of the above with the sense of empathy for the person you deal with. We can speak of it but to actually reach a level of integrity that is more than good deeds we need to SEE the person.That requires an evolutionary paradigm shift that we may be approaching.
sorry for the excessive words
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